Friday, May 9

Felicity

Thoughts are strange fellows. Like gawky teenagers, if you try to shut them out, they will force themselves in. But offer them a seat and a drink and make them generally comfortable and they will leave one by one. I realized this today after i returned from my walk. As i was feeling a little worn out and wanted to rest, i lay down with that purpose in my mind, but the thoughts wouldn't let up...my mind felt overactive. And the more i tried to empty it out, the more vehement the thoughts became, until i developed a slight headache and was beginning to despair. But then i had a brainwave. I realized that i was going about it the wrong way, that instead of trying to keep it tightly shut, i should leave the door slightly open, and that in order to have rest one doesn’t need to be alone so much as alone with one’s thoughts in peace; like two sparring partners or old foes who have grown weary of fighting and offer only a token resistance, often they lay together in each other's arms in a close embrace ... And lo! No sooner i realized this than i had not a thought in my mind and, though it is questionable if i had any rest, i still got up well refreshed.

Even at that hour when the grey sky of St. Petersburg is shrouded in total darkness and all its race of officials have dined and sated the...